4 Steps for Facing Life’s Wildfires

By Dorian Martin, I Start Wondering Founder

Having been around the block a few times, I’ve learned to observe life as a series of cycles and try to see what is happening from a variety of perspectives. Take the seasons of the year; while the lushness of spring can be intoxicating, it needs the hibernation of winter to marshal the energy for rebirth. 

Similarly, nature also can serve as a reference guide to understand what is happening in a world generating a significant amount of heat, whether you’re talking about emotions like anger or actual temperatures.

Sadly, blazing fires seem to be common. whether it’s the Delta airplane flipping over and bursting into flames in Toronto earlier this year or the erupting volcanoes in Hawaii, Italy and Iceland.

The sense of eminent combustion just seems to be amping up. We now live at a time in which wildfires are projected to increase 50% by 2100, according to a new report. Like many others, I watched in horror as these types of fires engulfed and destroyed large swaths of established neighborhoods in the Los Angeles area. Technology such as Ring doorbells normally offer peace of mind, but I doubt anyone was expecting to watch the flames’ approach and then a sudden—and eerie—blankness that signaled the destruction of a home and its treasures. And then having the recording available to watch again just prolongs the trauma.

Equally as devastating, we now face the flames of rage as those in governments, businesses or societies set matches to society’s kindling with little or no forethought of the consequences of their actions. 

Fighting the Fire

Earlier this year, my book group read Susan Orlean’s The Library Book*, which details the 1986 fire that gutted the Los Angeles Public Library. Orlean writes: “In the physics of fire, there is a chemical phenomenon known as a stoichiometric condition, in which a fire achieves the perfect burning ratio of oxygen to fuel—in other words, there is exactly enough air available for the fire to consume all of what it is burning. Such a ratio creates an ideal fire situation, which results in total, perfect combustion.”

The firefighters believed the library may have achieved this level of fire. Orlean noted, “The air in the building was blistering. Water sprayed on the fire boiled like a kettle put on for tea. …It was so hot in the building that firefighters couldn’t bear it for long; they took breaks every few minutes so their core temperature could come back down to normal. Because they were breathing so heavily, their supplementary air tanks, which ordinarily last an hour, were depleted in ten minutes.”

So, what is one to do when this type of blaze happens all around you, both literally and figuratively? It’s a complex challenge that requires deep personal pondering. In sitting with this, I am gauging my own decisions based on my yearly theme of sovereignty and subtheme of sustainability. 

And I’m also finding myself relying on some of the lessons that I learned from participating in my local citizens’ fire academy. Interestingly, the rules for actual fire containment also make sense when facing personal, relational, and societal blazes.

As a result, I am asking myself several questions:

• How can I remove any combustible materials from my life’s perimeter, so I don’t get burned?

• How can I avoid inadvertently spreading the fire?

• How can I work with others to create a wall of containment?

• How can I keep an eye out for the benefits of the fire and encourage that?

  
  

Step 1: Clearing the Perimeter

One of the fire academy’s lessons was to remove combustible materials from the perimeter of the home and create some space to keep the flames away from the structure. What does that mean at the personal level in the situation that we are currently facing?

My main focus is to create pockets of peace, calm and joy in my day that I can tap into regularly. That means limiting news consumption while not ignoring what’s going on, concentrating on my own needs and saying “no” on occasion, and tackling neglected things caused by procrastination. 

Similarly, we want to metaphorically follow the lead of agricultural experts who focus on creating landscapes with plants that are fire resistant. How do we create the personal landscape so that we don’t react in a way that causes our life to go up in flames? Again, this comes down to personal preference; my choices often involve walks with my dog, regularly sitting outside in the evenings to listen to birdsong, meditating, eating a healthy diet, rethinking spending choices, and breaking out the watercolors to paint.

Step 2: Avoid Fanning the Flames

I’m also trying to be mindful of my own choices because I could inadvertently spark a new fire through passing embers of misinformation or gossip. 

Having worked in marketing and public relations, I’ve learned a few things. The first – people will believe just about anything. For example, I quietly started a rumor at a previous job that one well-known employee had “won the Texas lottery.” People believed it and started to spread it—even though at that time, Texas didn’t have a lottery.

I also have seen the power of technology to create and alter images, and I’ve even have been “Photoshopped in” to a group meeting that I didn’t attend. So, I’m increasingly skeptical of the memes that show up.

Yet, I’m not perfect. Like others, I have posted some wrong information on social media. Fortunately, a kind person pointed me to Snopes so I could learn that my post was based on faulty information. I’m trying to be more vigilant in confirming my posts—and trying to kindly point others to do the same when I notice something suspect.

Additionally, I’m also checking my very-human tendency to project. In January, I was waiting to receive feedback from a person about a story I had written. The individual always has been very prompt, but not this time. I started to consider what might be behind the delay and hypothesized that it was due to the chaotic decisions that were unfolding in Washington, D.C. at the time that would be affecting this individual’s work. But instead of sharing that hypothesis broadly and adding fuel to the fire, my inner wisdom kicked in: “Dorian, you don’t know that. All you know is that you don’t have the feedback on the story right now.” It turns out that the person’s delay had nothing to do with any of my theories; instead, she was out of the office because her son had surgery.

3. Creating a Sense of Containment

Firefighters talk about building containment, which means that they focus on creating an area where a wildfire is kept in a specific area and is unable to jump to a new section. So how can we do that?

One way is to consider guiding your communications through using the Dignity Index, “which scores distinct phrases along an eight-point scale from contempt to dignity. Lower scores (1-4) reflect divisive language while higher scores (5-8) reflect language grounded in dignity….By focusing on the speech and not the speaker, the Dignity Index is designed to draw our attention away from the biases of partisan politics and toward the power we each have to heal our country and each other.”

4. Finding the Silver Lining

Fires are painful. Eventually, the blaze will go out, and we will be faced with the sad challenge of dealing with its scorching path of destruction. However, we forget that some seeds require fire to germinate so they can grow and create a new ecosystem in the former landscape. 

So as sad as it is to watch so much—jobs, relationships, dreams— burn away, this fire does create the potential and space for something new to emerge. It’s up to every one of us to determine what that is—and that means getting clear about our values and having honest and brave conversations of how to forge our path forward. 

Nature’s lessons remind us that what initially appears “bad” on the surface may actually open up space for creativity and opportunity. Perhaps the flames that we are now walking through have the potential to stimulate new growth and, ultimately, can transform us.

*All purchases through Bookshop benefit an independent bookstore. Proceeds from the purchase of these books will be used to support I Start Wondering's programming for women who have reached mid-life and beyond.