Carolyn Dahl and the Emotional Journey of Archiving

Summary:

Creating an archive can trigger a wide variety of emotional responses. In this podcast, which is the third in a three-part series featuring Carolyn Dahl and Brenda Riojas, the pair discuss feelings that may arise while archiving and some of the personal reflection that comes through this process.

In previous ISW Conversations, Carolyn addressed the importance of archives to women, including why women’s histories matter, how historians can look at these archives, and how to create an archive.

Shownotes:

Topics that are addressed:

Carolyn said in her experience, there were two key timeframes related to emotions. The first was prior to actually arriving at the University of Minnesota to deliver her archival records. The second timeframe involved her experiences after the files were transferred to the university’s archivist.

Before:

When creating an archive, you’re letting go of much of your history—which can feel like letting go of part of yourself. This can lead to a sense of mourning, even though you made the decision to release the papers and artifacts.
After packing the archival boxes in her car and continuing throughout the trip from Texas to Minnesota, Carolyn experienced huge anxiety, stress and a sense of impending catastrophe.
Upon arriving at the University of Minnesota, Carolyn felt like she made a mistake and that the research library wouldn’t want her materials. She then felt protective about her materials as they were unloaded.
Upon going into the archive’s storage area where her boxes would be kept, Carolyn started thinking about the library’s other archival materials from notable people such as poet Robert Bly. She began to feel like she was in the cemetery of the soul and felt very humbled and grateful that the very best of her was being saved to be shared with future generations.
Carolyn also resonated with her archivist, who has the same “preservationist” sensibility as Carolyn has. These types of individuals find value in a particular object and decide to keep it in an organized manner that includes the story behind it to help future generations understand the meaning.

After:

As she left the University of Minnesota library, Carolyn described feeling a sense of vacancy in seeing her now-empty car.
She also experienced a sense of confusion and loss, trying to figure out who she now.
Upon returning home and being faced with the open space, Carolyn felt a sense of celebration of the removal of these items from her home, a deep sense of accomplishment, and pleasure in knowing that she had done something to support future generations in exploring this time period.
She also felt a sense of completion regarding some of her previous careers, such as being a singer or an exhibiting artist.
Moving forward, Carolyn believes that her creativity may take a different form and direction.
Carolyn is still a productive writer, so she is still gathering material. As a result, she will continue to add to her archive.
Carolyn’s journals will be the last addition to her archive.

Other Insights:

If preparing a personal or professional archive, expect to experience emotions. Carolyn said women need to record stories that are more personal and intimate and keep related items.
The process, while emotional, also can help you think more deeply about what is happening or has happened in your life.
By starting early in the archiving process, you may have access to older relatives who can validate the story or item while they are still alive.
Carolyn said she experienced some surprises while archiving, such as recalling forgotten memories and putting information together in new ways.
Archiving helps show you the flow and history of your life, including dreams, life trajectory, and life detours.
Carolyn included an inventory of all of her archive files so she could see what she has placed in her archive at the University of Minnesota.
Carolyn said that knowing that she has an archive also changes some of her professional decisions, such as purchasing an extra copy of a magazine in which she is published to place in the archive.
She’s also learning more about the University of Minnesota’s library and is now collecting unusual books that the institution can use.
Carolyn finds she is thinking more like an archivist. Moving forward, she is trying to decide whether to keep an item, document it or make a copy. She also is now storing her records in an archival manner.

Featured on This Podcast:

Brenda Riojas, I Start Wondering columnist, is poet, journalist, editor, mother, wife, creative spirit, and citizen of the world.

Carolyn Dahl, an artist and author, was the Grand Prize winner in the national ARTlines2 poetry contest and a finalist in the PEN Texas Literary competition and the Malovrh-Fenlon Poetry Prize.