Embrace the Messy: Make Each Moment Count

By Brenda Riojas, I Start Wondering Columnist

(Spoiler alert: This column includes a spoiler for Ted Lasso, Season 4 finale, which is a series about an American football coach who moves to England to coach a soccer team.)

What are you making time for? I’m making time to draw, paint, explore, to embrace the messy.

In this season of our lives, as days, weeks, months continue to gift us more time, we recognize that we don’t know when death will come. Rather than dwell on the inevitable, we must do as St. Alphonsus Liguori advised, “Learn to profit of the time which God in his mercy gives you.”

While watching the season finale of Ted Lasso recently, one scene in the episode titled “Being Alive,” underscores the value of living life to the full. 

Rebecca, the soccer team owner, reflects on the unexpected death of Mae, a beloved character on the program. She says, “Do you know how Mae died? She died doing what she loved. And the rest of us, we’re still in it, aren’t we? We laugh, we hurt, we fall, we get back up.” 

After a pause, she adds, “We’re a mess.”

After yet another pause, she continues,“And that is fantastic! Because being messy just means being alive. We could all do with a bit more of being alive.” And then she whispers to herself, “Then what are you waiting for?”

The Clock’s Ticking

Let’s pause for a moment to take in all the messy, the challenges, the joys in our own lives. Consider what you want to be doing. Are you doing it? 

As Rebacca whispered, “What are your waiting for?” 

Counting on more sunsets with my grandchildren.

We can’t let fear hold us back, or perhaps other obstacles get in the way.  The truth is we don’t have time to waste. After Rebecca’s insight, she makes the bold decision to move forward with a relationship, despite her fears tied to past hurts. The episode then ends with different scenes of life carrying on, and Mae’s voice in the background reading Mary Oliver’s poem, “When Death Comes.” 

Here are two of my favorite lines that resonate with my own hopes. 

“When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular and real.”  …

“I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”

After turning 60 this year, I can hear the clock ticking. It spurs me to continue finding ways to do what I love, to finish the passion projects left pending for too long, to make the most of each breath remaining. 

I invite you to consider what new chapters you want to add to your story. 

Here are three journal prompts to get you started.

1. What are the messy parts of your life? How can you embrace them? How are they fantastic?

2. Read Mary Oliver’s poem, “When Death Comes,” and then write your own version. Use her opening words as a starting point.

3. What do you love doing? What changes do you need to make in order to do more of what you love?