Shifting Priorities, Finding Peace in Retiring
By Danielle Legg,
I Start Wondering Columnist
Entering this chapter of life, my outlook has changed and my priorities have shifted. I have started thinking about how and where I want to spend my time, and who I want to share my time with.
When your inner guidance starts to nudge you in a different direction than you thought you were headed, you either ignore that voice and live in turmoil – or you can listen to those nudges and create space for peace.
I have lived through the conflicting dialogue in my head for a few years now, and I am ready to listen. I am choosing peace.
So, what is the conflict that I’ve been working through? What big decision did I need to make? It is retirement.
It sounds odd and feels even odder as I put this in writing because retirement is a big life decision. How do I know if it is time to take the plunge and retire? How do I know I am ready? Am I old enough? Surely not!
But I can’t ignore the thoughts in my head of what it would be like, and the desire for an existence that focuses on a more balanced life with my family at the center.
I’ve also learned that to do retirement well takes planning and preparation. I did some research to determine if I was ready to take this monumental step.
Financial Stability
The first question I’ve asked myself is “Can I afford to retire?” According to Kiplinger: 7 Signs You Are Financially Ready to Retire, a sound financial situation is a must. That involves three pieces: having a minimum of 10 times your salary saved; carrying little or no debt; and having healthcare coverage.
On paper, I can retire – but then why do I worry about the finances? I think about how far money will go 20 years from now. Will I be able to continue to live comfortably? It has taken me a few years to process this, but yes. I have been fortunate to be blessed with a pension, insurance, and additional retirement savings, so I can check this one off my list.
Emotional Readiness
I have been in my career in some form or fashion for 35 years. A huge part of my identity of who I am is what I do. How do I know that I am ready to let that go?
RetireGuide: 10 Signs You Are Ready to Retire shares that a well-defined lifestyle vision is one of the signs you are ready. I used to be extremely driven and work-focused, but as I have matured and grown spiritually, I have detached from identifying with my career.
As a result, I have become more balanced in my view of what my life could be. I want to spend less time on work and more time focusing on family, health, volunteering, and pursuing hobbies like hiking that I have started over the last few years.
Changing Relationships
The caveat to my retirement plan is that all three of my adult children live in the same city about an hour and a half away from where I have built my life. Spending time with them currently requires a regular commitment of effort and time traveling, whether I’m going to see them or they’re visiting me.
I realized that I would like to simplify this part of my life. That means I’ve included relocating as part of my vision for my retirement lifestyle.
Additionally, I’m thinking about how retirement will impact the other relationships in my life. According to U.S. Bank: 6 Signs You’re Ready to Retire, social circles are an important part of a satisfying retirement. If your friends are mainly from work, it may be time to branch out to different spheres to build relationships. While I have friends from work, I would say the bulk of my friendships are from outside of my job. I have dinner engagements, travel buddies, and friends to do activities with.
But what happens when I move closer to my children? Do I have the ability or even the desire to create new friendships? I have thought long and hard about this one. It is easier said than done when it comes to friendships at my age.
For most women, friendships are a necessary part of a full and meaningful life. I do have one friend located near my family and I have joined some hiking groups and checked into volunteer activities. I am committed to putting in the work so that opportunities to create new friendships will exist. It is still a little scary, but I am on my way to making this part of my life work.
Questions and Opinions Abound
Yet interestingly, when I share my retirement plans with others, I get differing responses: ”Aren’t you too young?” “Are you sure?” “What will you do?” “How will you spend your time?” And when I share that I want to spend time with family and be there for my grandchildren, I have heard, “Well, you don’t want to be a built-in babysitter, do you?”
But then, I hear from those who understand, who feel as I do. They tell me that I am doing the right thing and won’t ever regret moving closer to my family and enjoying my grands’ remaining childhood years.
I do find it interesting that there are lots of opinions on when it is an appropriate time to retire and how a person should spend their time when they do. However, I am not looking for approval or validation on any of these topics.
Can we all agree that retirement is a personal decision based on our own life journey? There is not a “set in stone” approach. We should each make the best decision for ourselves and how we want our lives to be during this part of our lives.
Replanting Roots
So, I am really doing this thing called “retirement.” I have learned throughout the years that life is fleeting and tomorrow is a gift. I want to be intentional about how I spend the time I have left.
Recently, I took a trip with my 80-something-year-old dad and my sister on what I call the “Uncle Tour.” We made our way from Kansas to Nebraska, visiting my dad’s brother and his wife and then my mom’s brothers and their wives, who also are in their 80s. It was a fantastic trip full of love and laughter. I observed, listened and soaked it all in for they are who I aspire to be when I am 80: good people who love their families and do their best every day. They are kind, generous, and have each enjoyed full lives. At the end of the trip, I noticed a common thread; they are all slowing down, staying closer to home, and being a little less active. It made me ponder what I will be like in 20 years, when I reach their age.
So, I’ve bought a house three blocks away from my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughters, who currently are 8 and 10. If I am lucky, I have about 10 years left with the girls before they are off on their own, making their dreams become a reality.
During the weekends, I have been working on setting up my new home. While out shopping in Houston recently, I literally stopped in my tracks. What am I doing? Am I insane? Why am I leaving all I know and what is comfortable? My home? My friends?
I took some deep breaths and worked through my feelings, although they continued to linger in the back of my mind for the remainder of the day.
Later that night, I was sharing dinner with my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughters. Afterwards, the girls and their mom moved to the living room to watch a movie, while my son and I sat and talked until it was time for me to head home.
I don’t even remember what we talked about. What I do remember is how I felt when I left. With tears in my eyes, I realized that if my life is made up of small meaningful moments with my family like the ones that I had that night, my decisions to retire and move will have been more than worth it. And these are moments I cannot have living apart from my children and grandchildren.
Over the years, I have been fortunate to have traveled extensively and seen and experienced so many wonderful and interesting things, but in the end – the very end – it is my family that is the dearest to me. So, as I think about this new chapter, I go back to what my aunt so wisely expressed to me recently: “You won’t ever regret it!”
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