Embracing Life as an Outsider
By Kaye Olsson, I Start Wondering Columnist
Throughout my entire life, I’ve always felt like a bit of an oddball. In high school, everybody wore boots and jeans; I sewed my own dresses. They listened to country music; I listened to Metallica. When my friends started having children, I chose to remain childfree. They loved attending crowded football games, while I preferred books and quiet afternoon tea. It often felt like I was an outsider looking in.
Then an interesting thing happened to me this year: I realized that I have reached a point in my life where I am no longer concerned with fitting in. My clothes are not trendy, I have an odd obsession with cookbooks, and my hair is longer than is considered “appropriate” for women my age.
I don’t care. Some people might consider my personal preferences as “uncool” or “weird” and I’m okay with that. I’m simply not interested in expending the energy required to win society’s approval or be considered “normal.” Instead, I am finally being honest about who I am and choosing to accept myself, quirks and all.
Embracing Your Inner Weirdo
That’s why hearing about The Smallest of Joys, a new book by Diane Shiffer (a 69-year-old TikTok star known as Your Chubby Vintage Nana) struck a chord with me. Like a collection of letters from a loving grandma, this book offers words of encouragement for anyone seeking peace and self-acceptance.
Diane’s unique blend of gentle humor, vintage charm, and heartfelt reflection invites us to slow down and focus on what truly matters most. In her book, she writes that “weirdness isn’t a flaw to fix, but a thread to follow back to your truest self.” There is even a chapter dedicated to “embracing your inner weirdo.”
But what exactly does that mean? Did you know "weird" used to mean elder? Back in folkloric times, w-y-r-d referred to someone who had moved beyond social convention into something more original or authentic. Rebecca Schlegel, a professor of psychology and brain sciences at Texas A&M University, studies the “true self” and has documented that most people feel they become more authentic as they get older. In her research study, participants from age 19 to 67 were asked to think about life as if it were a book and rate each “chapter” using an authenticity scale. The results indicated subjects believed they were getting closer to their true selves over the course of their lives, and expected to be even more authentic in the future.
The Freedom to Be Ourselves
That started me thinking: what if one of the greatest gifts of aging is finally caring less about fitting in and gaining the freedom to become more fully ourselves? It seems that much of our childhood and young adulthood is spent trying to define who we are. This journey can involve exploring different identities and trying to convince everyone of the person we wish we were. We often build careers and personal reputations designed to match various images we think others want to see. We dress and act in ways designed to gain professional or social acceptance.
But older people have had many decades to become clear about who they are and who they aren’t, according to Dr. Rosanne Leipzig, a geriatrician at Mount Sinai Hospital and author of Honest Aging: An Insider’s Guide to the Second Half of Life. Leipzig, who is 74, says “I love my current time of life; this is when you come into yourself.”
She notes that, at this stage, people-pleasing becomes less important. Research suggests we are also less likely to compare ourselves with others later in life. As a result, we become more comfortable and confident with who we are and what we believe.
Building a Legacy
Getting “weird" may actually be a sign of personal growth because there is a shift from being admired for what we have done to being known for who we actually are. It's the ultimate pivot from building a resume to leaving a legacy, and authenticity becomes more important than achievement. As we continue to hone our sense of self, this is the time to identify the qualities we want to be remembered for.
I personally enjoy how conversations with friends at this stage of life are less focused on former job titles, and more attuned to current interests or hobbies. We learn about each other through both our shared values and our differences. And being vulnerable enough to expose our inner quirks to others can actually deepen these relationships.
If you have a weird streak, people might appreciate it more than you think. For example, whenever I hear someone described as being “eccentric,” I automatically see them as much more interesting. Eccentric individuals often view situations from unexpected angles, and their “weird” thinking allows them to come up with innovative and imaginative solutions. By choosing to march to their own beat, these people can access their creativity, curiosity, and happiness to make a difference in the world. Isn’t that what we all need?
Taking a Risk
Being weird also requires a bit of risk. You’ll have to accept that not everyone is going to celebrate your particular brand of oddness. Sometimes we will encounter disapproval from people who just don’t “get” us. But the trade-off is finally being completely comfortable with your “whole, weird self.” In my opinion, getting weirder without any embarrassment is one of the best parts of aging.
Since I stopped focusing so much on what others think of me, I have noticed a distinct feeling of peace about being comfortable in my own skin. Accepting myself (and my own inner weirdo) allows me to also accept others as they are, idiosyncrasies and all. When we treat ourselves with kindness, we often find that life flows more easily, and even joyfully. It’s possible that we’re not really getting weirder; maybe we’re simply relaxing into our authentic, uninhibited selves.
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